"If you do that again, then you're going to have to finish your work during free time. Well now you are refusing to work during free time, I am going to send you down to the principal's office. Refusing to go to the principal's office? Sounds like you'll be finishing your work during lunch and recess then. If you choose not to come to the office during lunch and recess, then I am calling your parents. If I have to call your parents, then that means you'll need to come early Friday morning for a before school detention. There you'll have to finish the work you refused to do as well as additional work."
Sound familiar?
The consequence cycle of behavior. The continual state of piling on consequences to stop negative behavior from happening. We utilize consequences immediately in the moment in hopes to extinguish the behavior. However, when it doesn't work we increase the intensity of the consequence in hopes that will extinguish the behavior. When that doesn't work, the fire continues to be fueled as we enter into a power struggle with the student. At that point, it's not about issuing a consequence because of the behavior anymore. We are frustrated with the student not complying as well as the behavior not stopping so our original intentional consequence related to work refusal has now turned into wanting to issue a consequence for the defiant behavior.
It doesn't work, so why do we keep doing it?
The consequence cycle only leads to a power struggle and it takes two people to struggle. When we think about a power struggle being like a rope, what we know is that when both people pick up the rope, that is when the struggle starts. Power struggles are fueled by emotions and behavior can become emotional for us. We are often told 'don't take behavior personally', but in these moments it becomes really personal. We as the adult continue to pull on the rope by piling on consequences, students continue to pull on the rope by refusing to engage in the consequences. The consequence cycle is just the adult picking up the rope over and over again. And what we know is that when two people engage in a power struggle, no one wins.
Consequence cycles can feel inevitable and like there is no way out of them. The power in consequence cycles comes from us as the adult. We hold the power over whether we engage and wrap ourselves into the consequence cycle with the student. Too often in behavior situations, we feel we have to continue to pile on the consequences to establish a sense of control over the situation. To show the student we are the one in charge and making the decisions. However, consequence cycles can be avoided and we can still hold power over the situation by not engaging in one. So, how do we do that?
Recognize the beginning of a consequence cycle. One of the first things we have to do is recognize the beginning stages of the consequence cycle. Understanding that our emotions fuel the continual consequences and the power struggle that we engage in. Being in tune with our emotions and the emotional state we are in. "Am I frustrated with this student?" "Am I emotionally capable right now to engage in this conversation with the student?" "Amy I able to give them my regulation through this behavior, or will I fuel their dysregulation?" When students first begin to engage, we have to be intentional with tapping into our own emotions. A consequence cycle starts when we choose not to be in tune with our emotions and our emotions pick up the rope.
Take a step back. When we engage in the consequence cycle, we can be so quick to jump in and attempt to assert our dominance or power over the situation. We feel we have to get closer to the behavior and create bigger consequences to attempt to stop the behavior from happening and gain compliance. However, what we need to do is the exact opposite. Take a step back. As soon as a student begins to show us signs they are engaging in the dysregulated behavior, we need to physically and mentally take a step out of the situation. Recognize the emotion we are having and attempt to see the behavior from a perspective where our emotions aren't driving our response. Remind yourself, 'This behavior isn't happening to me, it is happening in front of me'.
Pause. Respond to the behavior, don't react to your emotion. Pausing is one of the hardest parts in responding to student behavior. Pausing takes intentional thought process and self-regulation to recognize that we need to take a moment to step back. When we pause, we allow ourselves the moment to recognize our emotions, and respond to the behavior happening in front of us. When we respond to students, we create the carefront approach to student behavior that is necessary to de-escalation. When we don't take the time to pause, we react to our emotions in the moment a well as the emotions the student is having. Emotions fuel the power struggle and the consequence cycle.
Take the struggle out of the moment. When we are working through a challenging moment, it is important to recognize there may be times when we need to remove the struggle from the moment. This is a helpful tactic when a lot of verbal behaviors are happening, there is an audience, we don't want to lose our credibility with other students and we are having a hard time regulating our own emotions. It is ok for us to say 'we can talk about this after class'. When we move the discussion to a different time, we are sending the message to the student that we both need space. What we are also saying is that the behavior isn't an acceptable way to cope, but we need to find a different time to discuss solutions and better ways to manage our emotions.
Practice. These strategies take intentional practice. Just being able to tap into our own emotional state, taking a step back and pausing is reworking our own brain-response. We have to continue to be intentional in the moment when working with students to be mindful of how we can make slight shifts in our responses to yield responses that result in student and adult co-regulation together. Intentional thinking in the moment and intentional reflection after can help you to build new, positive pathways on how to respond to students through their moments of dysregulation.
The power and control that comes with de-escalating students is more about managing our own emotions and responses as opposed to managing the behaviors of the students we are serving. When we make intentional shifts to practice our own self-regulation in those challenging moments, we start to build capacity in our skills to where they become innate. Acquiring and practicing these skills helps us to avoid the power struggle, not engage in the consequence cycle and avoid picking up the rope.
コメント